is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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