Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
