I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
