Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
