Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
