I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
