he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
