I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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