my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
