Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
