your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
