sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
