Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
