Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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