i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
What a dumb baby whore.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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