You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
