Pappa wants mamma naked
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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