Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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