its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize