I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
