Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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