I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
