I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
