i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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