Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
