Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize