I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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