I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
