im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
