She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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