Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
