Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
