smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Plan B is the new Plan A
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
