I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
