There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
