My room smells like vodka and shame
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He did a backflip because drugs
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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