So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
