um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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