well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
