p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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