You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
