I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
