i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
