Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
