Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
