I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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