You really coming over, don't trick.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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