new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize