I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
