After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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