The maid of honor just puked.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
