I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
