he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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