I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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