True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
