her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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