So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
