I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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