did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
