Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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