There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
