I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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