we have officially lost it.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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