Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I checked into jail on foursquare
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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