K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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