Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
