Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
