i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
