youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize