Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
