Jerry, you need to find god
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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