plz talk dirty to me
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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