Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
