And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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